160848
(810): Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
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#160848 February 22, 2012 @ 01:32pm
160847
Today, I couldn't go home after a sleepover at a friend's house, because my street was blocked off to cars and pedestrians. Why? Because my dad was sitting on the roof, smoking a cigarette and telling people he was going to jump. FML
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#160847 February 22, 2012 @ 01:32pm
160846
(716): i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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#160846 February 22, 2012 @ 01:32pm
160845
Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried leaving, but the door wouldn't open. It was the "in" door. The person I gave my resume to had to slowly explain this to me. FML
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#160845 February 22, 2012 @ 01:32pm
160844
(603): a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160844 February 22, 2012 @ 12:32pm
160843
(850): Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160843 February 22, 2012 @ 12:32pm
160842
(604): he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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#160842 February 22, 2012 @ 12:32pm
160840
(760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
(from poofaces.com)
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#160840 February 22, 2012 @ 12:00pm
160839
(845): finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
(from poofaces.com)
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#160839 February 22, 2012 @ 12:00pm
160838
(847): Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!".
(from poofaces.com)
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#160838 February 22, 2012 @ 12:00pm
160836
(714): So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160836 February 22, 2012 @ 11:32am
160835
(707): You rang?
(405): Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160835 February 22, 2012 @ 11:32am
160833
(503): I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160833 February 22, 2012 @ 11:00am
160832
(807): Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160832 February 22, 2012 @ 11:00am
160831
(303): She's just so happy...and so naked.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160831 February 22, 2012 @ 11:00am
160827
(530): Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160827 February 22, 2012 @ 10:32am
160826
(919): So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160826 February 22, 2012 @ 10:32am
160825
Today, I found out why you shouldn't drop instant mashed potatoes in a fish tank, especially when you have expensive fish. FML
(from poofaces.com)
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#160825 February 22, 2012 @ 10:00am
160824
Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML
(from poofaces.com)
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#160824 February 22, 2012 @ 10:00am
160822
(513): Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
(from poofaces.com)
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#160822 February 22, 2012 @ 09:17am
