165971
Today, I decided to save a few bucks and let my mother cut my hair. I then had to wait in the hospital for attention due to the fact that she cut the tip of my ear off. FML
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#165971 May 20, 2012 @ 01:00am
165970
Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML
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#165970 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00am
165969
Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML
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#165969 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00am
165967
Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML
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#165967 May 20, 2012 @ 05:00pm
165966
Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML
(from poofaces.com)
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#165966 May 20, 2012 @ 05:00pm
165965
Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML
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#165965 May 20, 2012 @ 05:00pm
165964
(419): I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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#165964 May 20, 2012 @ 02:00pm
165962
(774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165962 May 20, 2012 @ 01:00pm
165960
(847): I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165960 May 20, 2012 @ 01:00pm
165958
(647): He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165958 May 20, 2012 @ 01:00pm
165957
(608): Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165957 May 20, 2012 @ 01:00pm
165956
(615): Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
(1-615): By a pack of ravenous dildos.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165956 May 20, 2012 @ 01:00pm
165955
(805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165955 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00pm
165954
(870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165954 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00pm
165953
(845): Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165953 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00pm
165952
(518): Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165952 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00pm
165951
(419): Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165951 May 20, 2012 @ 12:00pm
165950
(503): I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
(503): Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
(from poofaces.com)
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#165950 May 20, 2012 @ 11:00am
165948
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
(from poofaces.com)
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#165948 May 20, 2012 @ 11:00am
165947
(407): And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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#165947 May 20, 2012 @ 11:00am
