158872
Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML
(from poofaces.com)
from fml
#158872 January 27, 2012 @ 04:00pm
158870
Today, my roommate did his laundry. Unfortunately, he didn't check his pockets before he washed them. There's now sticky, melted gum all over the washer and I'm left to clean it up. FML
(from poofaces.com)
from fml
#158870 January 27, 2012 @ 04:00pm
158869
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
(from poofaces.com)
from fml
#158869 January 27, 2012 @ 04:00pm
158868
Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML
(from poofaces.com)
from fml
#158868 January 27, 2012 @ 04:00pm
158864
Teen, looking at rack of sweater vests: Hey, look--I could turn into Rick Santorum!
Mother: Yeah, but then I'd have to disown you.
(from poofaces.com)
from overheard in ny
#158864 January 27, 2012 @ 03:15pm
158852
(941): He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158852 January 27, 2012 @ 01:45pm
158850
Drunk male: You know your husband is totally gay, right?
Drunk female: I mean, yeah! He has a boyfriend.
(from poofaces.com)
from overheard in ny
#158850 January 27, 2012 @ 01:15pm
158849
(231): Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158849 January 27, 2012 @ 01:15pm
158845
(918): Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158845 January 27, 2012 @ 12:45pm
158844
(940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158844 January 27, 2012 @ 12:45pm
158841
(712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158841 January 27, 2012 @ 12:15pm
158840
(850): Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158840 January 27, 2012 @ 12:15pm
158837
(678): Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158837 January 27, 2012 @ 11:45am
158836
(615): You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158836 January 27, 2012 @ 11:45am
158835
(314): you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158835 January 27, 2012 @ 11:30am
158834
(715): if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158834 January 27, 2012 @ 11:30am
158833
Freshman guy: I'm going to take a massive... shower.
Freshman guy: Sounds like you were going to say massive shit.
Freshman girl: Girls don't shower.
(from poofaces.com)
from overheard in ny
#158833 January 27, 2012 @ 11:15am
158832
(201): U took a sewing needle to his nipple
(1-201): Psshh,.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158832 January 27, 2012 @ 11:00am
158830
(347): Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta.
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158830 January 27, 2012 @ 11:00am
158828
(507): Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
(from poofaces.com)
from tfln
#158828 January 27, 2012 @ 11:00am
