165946
Today, my husband proudly walked into our bedroom naked after having shaved an arrow pointing to his penis in his pubes. He then got really offended when I couldn't stop laughing. FML
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#165946 May 20, 2012 @ 11:00am
165945
(270): We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
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#165945 May 20, 2012 @ 11:00am
165944
(404): It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
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#165944 May 20, 2012 @ 11:00am
165943
(307): all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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#165943 May 20, 2012 @ 10:00am
165942
(972): We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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#165942 May 20, 2012 @ 10:00am
165941
(818): My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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#165941 May 20, 2012 @ 09:00am
165940
(507): You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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#165940 May 20, 2012 @ 09:00am
165939
(603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina.
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#165939 May 20, 2012 @ 09:00am
165938
(904): He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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#165938 May 20, 2012 @ 09:00am
165937
(503): Did I change midway through last night?
(206): Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking.
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#165937 May 20, 2012 @ 08:00am
165936
Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML
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#165936 May 20, 2012 @ 08:00am
165935
(+44): Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
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#165935 May 20, 2012 @ 08:00am
165934
Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML
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#165934 May 19, 2012 @ 08:00am
165933
(586): He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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#165933 May 20, 2012 @ 08:00am
165932
(412): attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can.
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#165932 May 20, 2012 @ 08:00am
165931
(714): Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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#165931 May 20, 2012 @ 07:00am
165930
(207): he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else.
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#165930 May 20, 2012 @ 07:00am
165929
(801): We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
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#165929 May 20, 2012 @ 07:00am
165928
(410): Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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#165928 May 20, 2012 @ 07:00am
165927
(337): Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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#165927 May 20, 2012 @ 07:00am
